Am I a Gump, or am I a Juggernaut?

So it was that I found myself reading 'The Marvelous Land of Oz'. Has our use of the English language changed so much over so short a time? You would not be surprised to learn that I ejaculated audibly upon reading this passage.

Well as most of you know already I have settled into a new place in London. Evidently I'm living in 3 places at once - I ostensibly live in Perivale, technically in Ealing, but officially in Greenford. Well whatever. The house is not numbered, too upper crust for that sort of nonsense I'm afraid, the house has a name - "The Beeches". It is on what appears to be a quiet country lane (Perivale Lane to be exact, behind the A40), with 7 occupants comprised of 2 Italians, 1 Greek, 1 German, 1 China man, 1 Pom and a kiwi named Me.

Oh and did I mention we have 2 bathrooms, one of which happens to be an en suite. So 6 of us share a shower. So far no doors have been broken down although there has been discussion to that effect. Enter the Pom who never says anything to anybody who seems to be partial to hour-long sessions under the hose (no exaggeration). Hello Pot this is the Kettle yeah you're a sambo. But come on he's just being a greedy piggy innit!

What is it about power poles that I find so interesting? I'll never know.

But anyway the new place is proving to be pretty cool. Room on 2nd story overlooking a big back yard with privacy and general niceness. Just the sort of place to start a family...

Heh had ya going! The main thing this place has going for it is that it's 10 minutes walk to work. Which incidentally is working out rather well too - have been studying at home on company time since Wednesday towards a CCA (Citrix Certified Administrator) certification. Exam tommorrow so wish me luck!

It's strange to observe the same old paradox playing itself out. The new job and impression of new opportunities and uncertainty is exciting, and has brought with it a rekindled desire to work hard and make something of it all. I've been given rather a lot of freedom and as such I have lot of ideas bouncing around. You know, plans for world domination and all that.

Despite all this the voices moaning "oh I don't know what I'm doing", screaming "I'm so bloody sick of computers. Gaaaah!" and generally feeling selfishly unfulfilled with all the wonderful opportunities that come my way do not get any quieter. For now I seem to have made an unconcious decision to stop listening to them for what appears to be the sake of practicality. Which is probably a good thing... well actually, more correct to say sensible thing.

Each time I do something sensible it is usually at the expense of something else which is so much more satisfying, more "me", and ultimately soul enriching. Trouble with this "thing" is, this always more exciting thing, is so elusive that I don't ever know what it is. To this day I have never found it. It's just this sense I should be doing something else, other than what I'm doing now. I think I get close and then it changes. I guess that's just the nature of things - grass is greener syndrome.

For today anyway I am going to be sensible (on weekdays), and if a little piece of me dies in the process then tough. Besides there are certain advantages to being sensible, like company laptops and intercontinental travel and other superficial goodies.

Still haven't managed to settle into a Tai Chi routine since I've been over here for some reason. Starting a regular tai-chi practice is something that requires huge amounts of patience and willpower. I will pick it back up at the right time, it's something I really need to develop on my own before I start looking for other people to train with. In looking around over here I've also realised just how amazingly lucky I was with my instructor in NZ.

Why is it that the best things for you are always the hardest...?

To get a true sense of this I've booked to go on a meditation course at the end of the month in Herefordshire. The method taught is called Vipassana, the course runs over an intensive 10 days and is by donation. They run Vipassana courses all over the world, and they are all run the same way. The one in NZ which I had considered (but I guess I wasn't ready for) is run out of Kaukapakapa.

Starting a meditation practice is something I've tried and failed to do on numerous occasions back home, but I've decided it's about time I took the plunge and did it right. The catalyst was actually meeting an Italian psychotherapist at a temple in Bangkok who I got chatting to about it. Really really cool meeting, we ended up walking around the streets of Bangkok amidst deep philosophical discussion. Meeting randoms is the best!

Hmm I tend to get a bit carried away with these bloody blogs. They take ages to put together what with all the typing and the picture uploading and the editing and faffing about. Rather good fun though. Wot wot.

Was looking at some photos of Mike and Adam etc having fun in the sun at what looked to be an outdoor summery festival of some description back in the ol' NZ. You in your singlets and shorts and sunburn. Bastards. Felt like crying when I saw that knowing the winter I'm in for over here. It just ain't right! Ahh well this is what I asked for eh?

Bed is calling. Keep keepin' it real folks.

C.