The mighty Thames

Howdy ho. Small update today, just to let you know I'm still alive.

I've been in London for nearly 4 months now and I've never seen the Thames. So it was high time for me to go with Dave in the weekend to the Embankment district in central London.

And so we shared a romantic [delete delete delete] (pardon me) pleasant walk along the Thames on a chilly Saturday afternoon. Well worth the trip - saw the London Eye, stood on the Millennium Bridge, viewed the Globe Theatre from the outside and poked my head through the door of the Tate Modern. I saw some pretty awesome cheese at the Borough Markets - Allen you would have wet yourself.

There were enormous soap bubbles blown, hot dogs eaten, crowds navigated, pictures taken, book markets perused, mulled wine mulled over but not sampled, and several pints enjoyed instead.

More photos starting here if you're bored. Check out how much the truffles cost.

What I really need is someone who knows London well to take me around to all the cool little nooks and crannies. There's so much to do here it can be a bit overwhelming - not sure where to start! Still - there are a couple of obvious things I need to get out of the way until then. I'm hoping to go and see the ballet at some stage.

Christmas wise I'm planning on putting together a little roast dinner for whoever else happens to be around.

Got to go. Bye for now!

C.

In Soviet Russia, blog post you!

Yo - went for party time in Riga last weekend. Didn't drink that much just danced and talked shit and took spy photos mostly. Check the latest gallery - there are some crackers there that do nothing to convince anyone of my relative sobriety.

Happy chappy birthday Big Bert. Enjoy the Wiiiiiiiiiiii!

C.

A couple of things

WARNING: DEBAUCHERY CONTAINED WITHIN.

Meet Smudge, the neighbours cat. She has three legs and gets on just fine thank you very much.

This post is well overdue, so make yourself acuppatea or two because it will be a long one. Motivation to write has come since I have a) just been told off for not updating often enough, and b) contracted an illness which is going to keep me inside all week.

Chickenpox. For the second time. How does that work exactly? Google tells me that second cases are rare and only occur if the immune system is run down for some reason. Not sure why that could be, other than being a bit out of sorts (adjusting to the London winter/lack of sunlight I fear).

Anyway I've had some tests just to be on the safe side. Thankfully it's been very mild so far, scratchy but nothing like when I had chickenpox at 18. I hope it clears up soon since I'm meant to be going to Riga in Latvia (?!) this weekend with the guys from work as our Christmas present.

I understand the plan is the hit the strip clubs and get boozed. Can't say I'm much of a fan of strip clubs, or states beyond tiddly but I intend to have fun regardless! As long as we stick together and keep our hands off the merchandise (I can't speak for everybody here) I think it will be alright on the night. One for the grand-kids eh!

Since it's been so long since my last post I've already told a lot of you what I've been up to lately, but I'm dying to do a bit of a writeup anyway. I'll head each adventure up in brief chapters.


Wales
A few weeks ago I was called upon to take a trip to Wales to do some work for a local city council. It turned out to be a pretty enjoyable trip, not least because I hired a car and took the drive from London myself. It felt pretty good to be behind the wheel again having not driven since July!

I stopped in at the Evenlode (heh heh) for lunch along the way. I had soup. The soup was mostly made from pumpkins. Mostly I felt bad for taking pictures so I could laugh at them later, without giving something back in return. So soup seemed like a fair enough trade (lode sounds just like load - geddit?).

It is a very zig-zaggy journey to get to Wales from London, as there are no direct roads. Many big roundabouts that looked just the same, and much confusion caused by Ms Satnav on said roundabouts. Roundabouts are not it's strong suit. After a while I found myself praying "comeon comeon comeon let this be it" every time I took an exit, and becoming highly vocal every time I heard the friendly female voice saying "...Recalculating...".

She did take me down some nice country lanes though. Completely unnecessary mind, given the proximity of the main road, the single-lane nature of the roads she took me down, and the tractors I encountered along the way. Standard stuff for satnav from what I hear, but all in all I was grateful for these interludes. How else was I to witness the true English countryside?

Once I starting coming into Wales the roads became a lot of fun. Long fast corners and nice twisty bits. Very pretty with all the autumn colours. I was almost sad when I arrived at my destination in Aberystwyth. Say that three times fast!

This is a gorgeous university sea-side town right on the west-coast. I found it really cute how the road and the houses followed the curvature of the coastline. Walking through the town, it looks as though things have stayed pretty much the same for the last 300 years. I like that.

I dropped my things at the Gwesty Richmond hotel, took a call from the angry salesman whom I was supposed to be meeting at the present moment along with the client, and proceeded to the council buildings to meet salesman and client with enough time to shake hands and agree to meet later on at a bar after having appeased the ever-present food monster.

Breathe.

Got along like a house on fire. We enjoyed the pleasures of wine (salesman paid), women (were oggled), and song (danced 'till I dropped). Back to hotel at 4am for a rousing business discussion. Couple of hours sleep, dragged myself into the council at 9am. It was a hard day for everyone. Next day was good, got the job done and the client was suitably impressed. Drove back to London and the rest is history.

Nearly forgot to mention the faggots. Probably the first and only time I'll hear two grown men debating whether or not to have their faggot buns with or without stuffing. Pretty tasty, though.

...Recalculating...

(ARGH!!)


Skipton
This time it was a meeting up north in York country to speak with a small software company. Was a pleasant enough 3 and 1/2 hour train ride (takes 5 and 1/2 by car), great views on the way up.

I was most impressed by the customer site. It's in a business park the name of which I forget, which is special lending to the fact that the entire site used to be a family estate. It is still owned by the family, however each of the buildings such as the mill (where we were, complete with functioning waterwheel), the family home, the barn so on and so forth have been completely refitted for businesses to move in, but they have kept everything of the buildings look and character in the process.

Standing in the office and looking out the back window of the mill is a view of a quaint circular courtyard with a path leading into the woods. It was through these woods we traipsed to get to the central restaurant, which is in the middle of a huge stone-walled and beautifully tended garden area with spectacular views. The restaurant is the only new building in the park and is practically all glass as not to intrude on the landscape. I had the Moroccan char-grilled pork salad and it was yummy.

Back at the meeting and I was running the show. Yay me. Could be quite a good little deal if it comes through. Yay commission!


Bond 007 Party
This was a surprise. I wish I had some photos of this one, I may get access to some later. Anyway the deal is that Symantec, everybody's favourite (bleaurgh) Antivirus and Backup software company puts on a Christmas party in London every year for all the distributors. We were invited, and what a show it turned out to be.

Walking into the London Hippodrome in Leicester Square we are greeted by a Sean Connery impersonator whose job it was too look like Sean Connery and shake people's hands. Passing Oddjob on the way through, the first thing you notice is the gigantic melted chocolate fountain with assorted yummies for dipping - pineapples and strawberries and profiteroles (think eclair balls with cream inside), rotating around the outside. I spent a good few moments here regaining my composure as I downed a good share of the yummy.

This place is pretty big. It could probably hold 1000 people - later on tonight the place will pack out to about 700. So anyway we head to the bar and order 2 double JD&Coke's each. This will be the running theme of the evening. No there isn't a tab tonight. It's a bottomless bar!

We look down to the dance floor, and to the steps running either side to the main bar. Half way up on both sides there are landings containing Bond girls. Tiny gold spangly thingies contain the Bond girls who are models serving shots of vodka and frangellico from giant ice sculptures with said beverage at the top which is funneled down through a tube and spews out through the gaping maw at the bottom.

So somehow we manage to teleport ourselves in front of the vodka totem and request some nectar from the sacred guardians wearing practically nothing, when all of a sudden the valve in the device breaks and vodka starts gushing out from the gaping maw like something from a really tasteless yet strangely erotic c-grade porn movie. I hurriedly set about filling shot glasses with the precious fluid only to find that once it's all finished, equal parts having landed in the shot glasses, the floor, and on the women, that my friends have scarpered leaving me but one option to down a couple of shots and head to the dance floor.

Strange as it may seem I managed to keep a level head the entire night and didn't become legless. Quite the contrary, I spent the next 4 hours dancing the night away (legs intact). Who would have thought that an IT party would be attended by so many jaw-droppingly attractive females (not the vodka talking). And they were all dancing with me! Ok well at least that's how it seemed at the time. I swear I wasn't _that_ smashed. I could tell by all the approving nods I received about my dancing technique. Or were they shaking their heads in disgust. Can't remember.

At one point a gay guy cottoned onto me and wouldn't leave me alone, so I played along for a while until he started swinging me around at which point I said "Hey babe you _know_ you're gorgeous, but you're just a bit much for me right now" to which he tucked tail and ran. Probably to cry or something. Poor fella. He really seemed to like me.

So anyway by this stage I've lost all my friends and am grooving away with a sweet little blond girl in a purple dress with a big bow at the back (why won't you reply to my ad on gumtree!), and my Afro-Caribbean friend from work comes into my field of view. "Mate!" *groove* *shake* etc. He says "follow me", so I do. He takes me to two Afro-Caribbean girls and he starts grinding with one of them. I follow his lead with the hotter of the two. Fun! By the end of the night she invites me over to sit down, we chat for a bit, I asked for her number but she said her boyfriend wouldn't like that. Must have freaked once she saw me in the light (eek! He's pink!). Them's the breaks.

On the way home I decide that I wouldn't mind a bit of a walk so I go in the direction I think my house is in, in the hope to catch a night bus along the way. I walk for an hour and a half before I start to get suspicious, ask someone, and learn sure enough that I've been walking east (FYI I live in West London). Luckily I manage to find a night bus that takes me to Ealing Broadway, where I catch a cab home for cheap.

The following day I manage to get into work FIRST at 9:00am. And I'm not feeling too bad considering the lack of sleep really. This will hit me later in the day. Anyway the next person doesn't get in until 11:30am! I'm racking up the brownie points already, I say to myself as I rub my hands together.

The rest of the day is filled with tales of the nights exploits, including a dust-up between two of my colleagues ending in someone being thrown out of a car and a shirt being ripped off, drunken phone messages from Afro-Caribbean friend to sober driver to the tune of "you are, a f**king, c**t", repeatedly, extremely slurredly. And the obligatory accusations of other colleagues being gay because they didn't hit on that girl who was totally up for it.

One to remember.


Amsterdam
This trip was actually before the Bond night but I'm leaving Amsterdam 'till last because it was the most memorable. I would not be exaggerating if I said that this town completely blew me away. I'm still not sure exactly what it was about it that took me so, yet I feel somehow changed from the experience.

The whole experience getting there was quite surreal. I met Dave at Heathrow and we ate some pie together. He had the potato and leek, I had the jerk chicken. Mine was ok, his wasn't a pie at all and was rather a soup wrapped in pastry. I'm sticking with the food theme because for some reason recalling the meals I ate helps me remember the rest of the story.

Got on the plane, had a chat to Dave to my left, had a chat to the woman on my right, flicked through the magazine and we were there. The flight took a little over one hour. I couldn't believe it took such a short amount of time to arrive in a completely different country, but anyway it became true as we walked off the plane.

I love walking on those flat travelators that make it seem like you are walking at running speed. Walking should always feel that cool. The pace continued through customs - 2 people in front of me, glanced at my passport and I was through in a flash - waited for Dave to get his bag, tried to figure out the strange ticket machine, and then were were on the street. A quick discussion with a security guy was had while Glynn sucked down a cigarette in about 2 drags, and we were back inside and down the escalators to the train station, which was conveniently placed directly underneath the airport terminal (it's amazing what a little city planning will do).

The train pulled up just as we were walking down, and it was a huge modern-looking 2-story jobbie. And so it was that we glided into the central city and stepped onto the strange cobbled streets with cars on the wrong side of the road and practically silent trams and pointy buildings and attention to detail. We dropped our things at our hotel on the Damrak and went exploring.

From here on the time line gets a little bit hazy due to inebriation. GO TO AMSTERDAM AND DRINK THE HEINEKEN THERE. Andrew was correct when he labeled this sunshine in a bottle. IT REALLY TRULY IS. We visited the Heineken factory which was actually pretty fun. Not least due to the 3 bars you visit on your way through, but there was also neat stuff to look at. And a ride that turned you into a Heineken bottle and drank you at the end.

We took a canal ride at one point which was kind of cool. I will admit to trying to local legal herbage in Amsterdam, and by golly was it tasty. Got it at one of the many Coffee Shops ("coffee shops" sell marijuana, "cafes" don't), and it was one of the best smokes I've ever had. If ever there was a reason to legalise, this was surely it. I'm amazed they get any work done over here. I guess everybody is busy perfecting the art of growing to sell to the tourists (and to enjoy a quiet smoke after work).

Amsterdam is a very beautiful city. It's very well planned out but despite that, it retains a great deal of character. There is a very romantic feel to the place which is unmistakable. Even in the seedier areas there is an openness which is refreshing. Walking through the red-light district during the day I noticed a group of young school-kids being led by their teacher on an outing. And at night in the same area you see completely normal looking couples walking arm in arm, coming to see what all the fuss is about.

It's the weekend and everybody in town seems to have the same idea. And by golly. I shan't elaborate too much on this, but again this was truly an eye-opener. Walking along any street or canal in the red-light district at night (it is a big place) you will find shop windows, and in every window a woman. The kind you pay for.

The surprise comes when you notice that these sex-workers aren't the run-down, tired, cheap and not so cheerful specimens you might expect. Sure there are some bangers there. But for the most part what you notice, or at least this is how I interpreted it, is that you are a guest in one of the finest restaurants in the world, browsing whats on offer in the all you can you can eat buffet. All your lustful desires could be satisfied with a bottomless wallet and a loosening of morals.

I would encourage men and woman to see this for the shear spectacle anyway.

So the following day while my associates are snoring away, I jump in the shower while it's still morning and emerge into a day of exploring on my own. I get thoroughly lost and love every minute of it. Somehow I made it back to Damrak and went with one of the guys to the Cannabis College. I pay the 2.50 euros to go downstairs and stand in the cannabis garden for a while. The smell alone will leave you floating back up the stairs. Don't bother with the Marijuana Museum it's stupid and expensive and boring.

I also really enjoyed the Dam square. It's this big open space between Damrak and The Rokin which is home to Madam Tussaunds amoungst others. One thing you notice here is that the streets and pavement are cobbled, and there are no street markings, so street and pavement are essentially the same thing, AND the cars have to share the roads with the trams. I have no freaking idea how they do this and found myself looking around everywhere when I came even remotely near some motorized transportation. Bugger driving in this city!

And then we all went home. Next time I come back I want to see more of what the museums have to offer - I passed Madam Tussaunds a couple of times and they had a waxwork of Jack Sparrow from Pirate of the Carribean standing in the foyor and he looked unbelievable.


In closing
I hope you like the new layout (thanks to random Mr or Mrs Template guy). You'll notice a new section at the top-right corner of the page - this is a feed of my latest photo galleries. Here you will find all the additional photos I'm taking which I don't have space to post on my blog.

To those more technically inclined, or even those who aren't, you should experiment with subscribing to this blog as feed. That way you will be notified when there is a new post, and you won't have to remember to go looking to see if I've updated. Heaps of sites are using feeds these days. There is loads of different software readers out there - there is a Google Reader for instance, and the latest version of Firefox has one built in. New feeds will just show up as new "live" bookmarks. There is a link to my feed at the bottom of this page.

Personally, I still do it the old fashioned way too but I just want to encourage other people to do it first because I'm scared to break tradition myself. I've tried but it's just not sitting right with me yet. If everybody did it though it would be cool 'cause then everyone would be up to date with what's happening all at the same time.

FYI that reflected sunset shot was taken in White City (home of the Beeb) at approx. 4:00pm London time. Enjoy that sunshine New Zealand. Enjoy that stinking hot sunshine.

Peace.

C.

PS. Dad - I found it.

Yeeep yep yep yep

Martians descend on Seseme Street and try to figure out what a telephone is.

Gold.

C.

Missed connections

Sup ya'll?

This will just be a quick update as I felt I needed to share a couple of things this morning. A lot has been going on since I last wrote and a proper update is overdue! Anyway I went to a huge party last night at Leicester Square - free booze and obscene amounts of beautiful women. And a chocolate fountain. And and and.

The point is I was looking at gumtree just now with the intention of posting a quick ad in the 'Missed connections' section, and came across some gems:


Where are you?
Date: Tuesday 28th November

You were wearing clothes and so was I. You had a face, I didn't. We met in Chumpos club, you were pretending that you hadn't seen me trying to act cool by ignoring you.
I am sure that you fell for me as I fell for you. I know you ended up calling the police, but still I think you liked me more than your statement to police made out.
If you want to meet, contact me. I don't have a computer so i'll be waiting every night in the ladies toilet of Chumpos where we first met.
See you soon.


Fat bird with moustache!
Date: Tuesday 28th November

You told me to fuck off when I said 'you stink why don't you have a wash?'
I love you....

Adder


Nun from Walkabout in Temple Saturday 25th nov
Date: Tuesday 28th November

We met briefly at Walkabout last Saturday. You were the first cute nun I've met in a bar!
I wore a big green hat, green shirt and jeans

Get in contact if you feel like it.


sexy kiwi nun who likes to drink with the all blacks
Date: Tuesday 28th November

we met in cardiff on saturday night. i really enjoyed your company and you still have my hat....
would love to catch up for 'hat handing over ceremony' and maybe a drink or two...
ali and sivi send their love


Post soon, promise!

C.

Am I a Gump, or am I a Juggernaut?

So it was that I found myself reading 'The Marvelous Land of Oz'. Has our use of the English language changed so much over so short a time? You would not be surprised to learn that I ejaculated audibly upon reading this passage.

Well as most of you know already I have settled into a new place in London. Evidently I'm living in 3 places at once - I ostensibly live in Perivale, technically in Ealing, but officially in Greenford. Well whatever. The house is not numbered, too upper crust for that sort of nonsense I'm afraid, the house has a name - "The Beeches". It is on what appears to be a quiet country lane (Perivale Lane to be exact, behind the A40), with 7 occupants comprised of 2 Italians, 1 Greek, 1 German, 1 China man, 1 Pom and a kiwi named Me.

Oh and did I mention we have 2 bathrooms, one of which happens to be an en suite. So 6 of us share a shower. So far no doors have been broken down although there has been discussion to that effect. Enter the Pom who never says anything to anybody who seems to be partial to hour-long sessions under the hose (no exaggeration). Hello Pot this is the Kettle yeah you're a sambo. But come on he's just being a greedy piggy innit!

What is it about power poles that I find so interesting? I'll never know.

But anyway the new place is proving to be pretty cool. Room on 2nd story overlooking a big back yard with privacy and general niceness. Just the sort of place to start a family...

Heh had ya going! The main thing this place has going for it is that it's 10 minutes walk to work. Which incidentally is working out rather well too - have been studying at home on company time since Wednesday towards a CCA (Citrix Certified Administrator) certification. Exam tommorrow so wish me luck!

It's strange to observe the same old paradox playing itself out. The new job and impression of new opportunities and uncertainty is exciting, and has brought with it a rekindled desire to work hard and make something of it all. I've been given rather a lot of freedom and as such I have lot of ideas bouncing around. You know, plans for world domination and all that.

Despite all this the voices moaning "oh I don't know what I'm doing", screaming "I'm so bloody sick of computers. Gaaaah!" and generally feeling selfishly unfulfilled with all the wonderful opportunities that come my way do not get any quieter. For now I seem to have made an unconcious decision to stop listening to them for what appears to be the sake of practicality. Which is probably a good thing... well actually, more correct to say sensible thing.

Each time I do something sensible it is usually at the expense of something else which is so much more satisfying, more "me", and ultimately soul enriching. Trouble with this "thing" is, this always more exciting thing, is so elusive that I don't ever know what it is. To this day I have never found it. It's just this sense I should be doing something else, other than what I'm doing now. I think I get close and then it changes. I guess that's just the nature of things - grass is greener syndrome.

For today anyway I am going to be sensible (on weekdays), and if a little piece of me dies in the process then tough. Besides there are certain advantages to being sensible, like company laptops and intercontinental travel and other superficial goodies.

Still haven't managed to settle into a Tai Chi routine since I've been over here for some reason. Starting a regular tai-chi practice is something that requires huge amounts of patience and willpower. I will pick it back up at the right time, it's something I really need to develop on my own before I start looking for other people to train with. In looking around over here I've also realised just how amazingly lucky I was with my instructor in NZ.

Why is it that the best things for you are always the hardest...?

To get a true sense of this I've booked to go on a meditation course at the end of the month in Herefordshire. The method taught is called Vipassana, the course runs over an intensive 10 days and is by donation. They run Vipassana courses all over the world, and they are all run the same way. The one in NZ which I had considered (but I guess I wasn't ready for) is run out of Kaukapakapa.

Starting a meditation practice is something I've tried and failed to do on numerous occasions back home, but I've decided it's about time I took the plunge and did it right. The catalyst was actually meeting an Italian psychotherapist at a temple in Bangkok who I got chatting to about it. Really really cool meeting, we ended up walking around the streets of Bangkok amidst deep philosophical discussion. Meeting randoms is the best!

Hmm I tend to get a bit carried away with these bloody blogs. They take ages to put together what with all the typing and the picture uploading and the editing and faffing about. Rather good fun though. Wot wot.

Was looking at some photos of Mike and Adam etc having fun in the sun at what looked to be an outdoor summery festival of some description back in the ol' NZ. You in your singlets and shorts and sunburn. Bastards. Felt like crying when I saw that knowing the winter I'm in for over here. It just ain't right! Ahh well this is what I asked for eh?

Bed is calling. Keep keepin' it real folks.

C.

Fancy a quicky?

Hey ya'll. Just a quick note to let you know I'm still alive up here in the big smoke. Haven't got time for a big update as I'm head down bum up with study this week. Computery stuff.

Can I have a show of hands for who actually reads this blog? I know there are a lot of lurkers out there. I enjoy writing the blog as long as I know there are people reading it, ya dig?

Duty calls!
C.

Into the Groove

Keeping with the radio DJ theme, this is Big C cominatcha from Shepherds Bush. Came for a looksee today as a potential place to live, it seems like an ideally nice place and I can see myself living here if the price is right. Not that London prices are ever really that right, but when you're earning pounds it kinda makes sense, sortof. Gotta stop thinking in NZ dollars.

London is starting to look a little grey and the unseasonably warm weather is definitely taking a turn towards the brisk. I've been trying to make the most of the sunlight while we still have some (he says from the comfort of a netcafe indoors), and getting out a bit to see the place.

Was woken by David on late Saturday morning 3 hours into sleep, and with some effort hauled my bones into the shower in preparation for the agreed jaunt to Tottenham Court Rd. It was a long way to go for Good Coffee, but Good Coffee in London is hard to come by and he knew of a kiwi-run cafe called Flat White which serves the finest of brews. The standard fare here is mud so this was a very welcome kick in the pants before our journey to Harrods.

This is a large store full of a lot of unnecessary and extortionately expensive shiny junk. But it is interesting to gape at the multitude of stuff, and wonder what benefits a solid gold cellotape dispenser would bring to the office, and to think of the sort of house I could slap a deposit on with a £40,000 watch.

In the toy section I saw a MrPotatohead dressed as a Stormtrooper, and another as R2D2.

We passed through the foody section on the way out, and I could hear through the speakers that opera song that you associate with a man in Italy preparing a pizza pie base by tossing it into the air over and over. You know that one. Goes something like "Yaano yaano, blah, blah blah, blah blah!". It wasn't until I looked towards the origin of the sound that I realized the scene was playing out for real.

And then I was defeated by a small scoop of lemon gelato.

After this Dave and hopped on a bus to Camden, and pubbed our way through a healthy meal of Guiness followed by Fosters. Next came sushi and sake. Then down to the Dublin Castle for another brew and continued enlightening discussion. It's amazing what you can find out about people you've known for years after a bit of liquid persuasion.

By this stage it was time to head to West-Auckland Andrew's 2nd flatwarming where it was once again the Poles Vs. the Kiwi's except this time we were outnumbered. I spent the night chatting to a cute girl named Avalina, Avalina, such a pretty name, consuming polish beetroot soup, and tiramasu, and JD, and Coke.

Slept like a log and woke up refreshed at a respectable 1pm. I felt cause for celebration, having survived my first week of work. Signing the contract tomorrow. Working for an IT reseller called Computrad, heading up their new IT services dept.

My colleagues are hard-case, I sit with a big fat aussie from the Gold Coast whose favourite term is "ball-ache", who is constantly giving shit to the young pommy guy who does a hilarious Irish accent. Laughs abound, which is always a good sign. My boss seems pretty sweet too.

Forgot my camera today so no photos. I haven't been taking that many lately anyway, but I'll have something for you next time.

For now I must escape the hallitosis and flatulence emanating from somewhere to my left. Always good to leave on a pleasant note, don't you think? Mmmmm.

Ciao!
C.

The unusual life of a pedestrian

Having a car is really something that I have taken for granted for a long time. Want to go somewhere? Get in the car and go there. Want to lug home a weeks worth of groceries? Where did I leave my keys. You know, I could crash here but I would really rather go across town to my warm bed. They're in your pocket, dummy. Nope - sorry buddy you're in London now.

I think my arms have only just recovered from yesterdays shopping mission. I think us car-folk have an unconscious habit of buying as much as we want from the supermarket, firm in the belief that we have a motorised trolly waiting for us in the carpark. Some habits are hard to break I guess.

I guess the lesson here is - only buy as much as you can carry. A strange and unusual concept indeed. One that may yet prove to assist my pound-saving goals, and keep those jars of sundried tomatoes safe on the shelves.

The good thing though is that there is usually a local shop just around the corner, along with the neighborhood drunk providing useful information, "arrrrwellits aaallll aloadabullshitd anyweyy". A good place to buy water, because the water here is DISGUSTING. It won't kill you but it tastes horrible. There is a ridiculous amount of lime in the water, leaving crusty puddles under your washing up, and flaky biscuit crumbs floating in your kettle.

I'm living here, in a little place called Willesden. This is around the corner from my place (note aforementioned local). I'm "living" in a 2 bedroom place with another guy, I say in quotes due to the fact he actually doesn't really live there at all. The house is completely full of junk and he seems to pop in and out during the day for reasons today I cannot grasp.

What I do know is his name - Brian. He owns the house, he is very pleasant, probably late 30's, has a girlfriend local, is a student, is a brilliant mathematician, and is selling the house so he can get a place with a garden so he can make a kiln which he will use to fire his passions *guffaw* in ceramic art.

While it's clean, and cheap enough - it does make for rather a lonely home. I am in finding work mode, but when I'm not doing that I've been getting rather bored staring at the ceiling. Reading, which has until my travels been a sporadic endeavor at best, has become my savor from rapid loss of sanity. I have run out of books though, and have resorted to reading "The Marvelous Land of Oz". It may be the sequel, but don't discredit it just yet- this really is a rip-snorter for all ages. I've also been going for runs - ok today was only my second day, but it's been good so I will keep it up.

I think it would be in my interests to go down the local pub tomorrow and check the talent I mean - meet some new people.

Being alone really makes you appreciate just how much having friends around means. I'm looking forward to moving into a more permanent place where atleast when I come home, I know there's a good chance there will be someone around to say "Hey how's it". Or "Tally ho old chap what what", or whatever it is the English say. Also really looking forward to buying a new laptop so I can keep in touch with people without walking down to the High Road to a netcafe with cramped cubicles and uncomfortable chairs with lots of smelly people and babies squealing (must...not...kill...)

Miss you, guys.

Went to the British Museum the other day. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me at the time, but I do have some shitty shots from my phone. They're up on my smugmug site if anyone is interested. The first thing that struck me was the Rosetta Stone right in front of you as you walk into the Egypt exhibition. There is some Very Old Stuff here - I was pretty well floored. Only had time for a short gander but will definitely be going back.

Until next time my peeps, fare thee well.

C.

Thanks for the memories

London ho. I have reached the motherland in one piece. So far it has been pretty relaxed spending much of my time wandering around the local area (Ealing), doing a bit of shopping and surfing the net from Dave's couch (thanks Dave!). Am setting the wheels in motion for the next few months, which should include a brief sojourn to somewhere cheap inside Europe before I commence work.

And so, back to Thailand briefly. After Ko Pang Nga, the rest of my time in Thailand was spent in Phuket. I hired an apartment for a month with a lady friend, where we spent our days in an extremely relaxed fashion. My money was running out at this point so relaxed was definately the order of the day. I got through all my books, and ate like a king some of Thailands finest and most luxurious markets and street vendors.

Despite the mandatory requirement for 300 baths per day, we did manage to get out of the house and do some touristy things. Incidentally our room wasn't as scary as they look in this corridor, the rooms were clean and we even had sunlight in ours! Anyhow first off was the butterfly house. Sure enough there were lots of pretty butterflies, and I even caught a couple during foreplay!

I swear, it's just not fair to keep a big ol' spider next door to rows of pre- packed butterfly dinners. Unfortunately you can't judge the scale and it's out of focus, but that chap was rather large. They also had a rather impressive beetle collection.

We visited a temple and took some photos. I could have sworn the monks looked pissed off despite the assurances that it was ok. I'm not feeling particularly wordy today so I hope you enjoy all the photos anyhow.

I booked a trip on the last week to Phi Phi island. We did some snorkelling and swam with schools of brightly coloured fishies - saw some pretty interesting coral too. At one point I found some divers who had stopped somewhere, so I positioned myself just above where there was a massive swarm of bubbles. It felt really weird as if I was being tickled all over by a hundred tiny fingers!

The landscape here was really beautiful as you can see.

This is one bay around from where The Beach was filmed (Maya Bay). I didn't have my camera ready at the right moment so you'll just have to suffer! Waaaah!That be a cave inside there!

I'm going to miss Thailand, it is a really captivating place. Most of all I will miss the pace there. For me anyway, I will associate Thailand with a complete lack of stress which is something new to me over the last 5 or so years. I think it's clearly different for those who have to make a living there, but even those who know they aren't going to recieve any money from you are very friendly, and take the time to shoot the breeze. If you can get passed the language barrier, otherwise a lot a smiling usually goes on.

I take with me the collected email addresses from fellow travellers, and offers of places to stay throughout Europe so things are off to a good start. I hope to be back next year for the Songkran festival which is basically a week long waterfight across the whole country. Next time I will go up North where I will ride on some elephants and do some trekking.

Feeling a little homesick at the moment. Missing you all heaps and my thoughts are with you.

Be good!

The Sanctuary (mostly the journey there, actually)

Greetings my peeps.

As promised, I will tell you today about what I found down south, at the islands of Ko Samui and Ko Pang Nang. It is a tale that starts very slowly, speeds up a little, slows down again before gaining momentum and coming to standstill with a few short sharp bursts in between. Just to keep things interesting.

The slow part was the coach ride from Phuket town to Surat Thani. What I thought was going to be (I don't know why in retrospect) a 2 hour journey ended up taking nigh on 7 hours(!). That is a long time to sit in an uncomfortable bus with a Polish traveller who's favourite way of passing the time is to complain about everything.

We finally got to wharf just out of Surat Thani, and have a quick meal (by now my palette is starting to adjust to the thai spices, but my guts have yet to catch on), before catching the ferry across to Ko Samui. It is overcast as are most days, but still bloody hot so I take my shirt off much to the amusement of the locals onboard due to the uncommon visage of a blinding white falung chest. A couple of them were so taken they requested a photo (or 3), to which I humbly agreed (I'm not so secretly an exhibitionist). By the time I got to my hotel it was about 8pm, and having left Phuket at 9am found the bed and slumber in no time.

Strangely since coming to Thailand, almost every other night I've been plagued with nightmares. Not sure what this is about - last night I dreamt I was inside a 60 minutes documentary on Afghanistan, driving down the road in the back of a jeep where everything is on fire. Kids are throwing stones at the opposing militia, but are also throwing apples containing horrible buzzing giant flies inside. One of these apples hits me in the back, and I feel the fly buzzing and burrowing into me as it lays it's eggs. I woke up pretty shaken, muttering and looking for the nearest thing to cuddle which was unfortunately a pillow. Thankfully my subconcious did not strike twice and the rest of my night was uneventful, but still I wonder what's going in my head. I figure it's my latent fears coming up which I have had to suppress in getting on in a strange place. Not to worry!

Okay so have we got to Ko Samui yet? Yes I believe we have. Ahh right now I remember. To summarise, Ko Samui is very touristy and I didn't really enjoy Chewing beach or the traffic - but once you get out of the main centres there are some greats sights to be seen.

The Polish tourists I met on the bus were staying at the same beach as me (Chewing), and on my second day in Samui I spotted them cruising down the main strip on their way to lunch. They agreed, foolishly (nah) to accompany me on a motorbike tour around Ko Samui, as I had found some cool spots the previous day. But my motorbike was hungry as well.

Roadside gas stations in Thailand are modest establishments, consisting of a man, and some glass bottles filled with red or colourless liquid which in most cases contains gasoline, but in some cases contains whisky. Those Thais sure love their whisky, and boy does that shit taste foul. You will find the odd station which has a large clear container of gas, which uses a handcrank to dispense the petroley goodness in a display that is more akin to watching a milkshake in a blender than to what I'm accustomed to when filling up your tank.

But I digress. Being at the head of a stately 3-way scooter convoy I saw fit to pull in and snap our next destination from afar much to the delight of the Poles. Hin Tai Hin Yai was it's name which translates to "Grandfather Grandmother", and my friends it is a sight to be seen. It was so impressive infact that postcards were purchased and sent, however I'm not sure whether they reached their destination in New Zealand. No matter, view now the grandeur of Hin Tai Hin Yai in all it's anatomically correct spendor...


Unfortunately for Hin Tai, my woefully inadequate disposable camera (not that I'm blaming my tools, but I do appologise for the quality of my photos), was not able to capture it's cinematic beauty due to the lack of a zoom lens. A more pitiful illustration of the so-called inadequacy of the asian male species I have yet to come across.

Next on the agenda was the Khow Yai waterfall. On the walk there I passed a stall where the keeper motioned towards me, to which my reflex was to wave back a "no thank you", until she said "tickets!", and so turned my heals in an embarrased pirroet. The waterfall itself was quite pretty, if not a bit of a trickle.

You can take a walk up the steps to the side of the waterfall for a fantastic view of the island. It was at this view point that I learned the meaning of Khow Yai in Polish - it translates roughly as "Shit Balls". I know now that I will have fond memories of my visit to Shit Balls waterfall on Ko Samui (note here the brilliant reflection from the unparalleled milky whiteness of my man-breasts).

The remainder of my stay in Ko Samui went by fairly lazily. I took a ferry and arrived by taxi to Hat Tien beach on Ko Pang Nang on the 1st of August in time for my booking at a resort called The Sanctuary.
Hat Rin is the "legendary" location of the full moon parties on Ko Pang Nang. I wasn't fortunate enough to attend one however I was secretly relieved by this. The Sanctuary is not at Hat Rin, but Hat Tien beach which is 2 beaches along. The roads stop at Hat Rin so you must travel by long boat, which is an experience in itself.

The long boats are relatively large vessles capable of carrying about a dozen people comfortably, and are powered by 4-6 cylinder car engines attached to long, extremely dangerous propellors. Once the captain (heh) pushes the boat out, it is a short journey to Hat Tien in one of these puppies. At night they charge 50% more but go just as fast, which is interesting (read: extremely scary) considering that they have no lights.

Touchdown. My feet are greeted by tiny pebbles which massage me as I walk past a couple of extremely relaxed looking sunbathers to the reception desk beside the restaurant. The restaurant is neatly inset behind the shelter of a large tree providing the impression of a safehaven from the rigours of the outside world and from the annoyance of other tourists. Maybe this is a place I can pretend not to be a tourist and to simply relax. This proves to be the case, with a catch.

Accomodation varies from shared dormatories, to basic bungalows with no airconditioning and private outdoor shower facilities, to a wide selection of themed, high priced bungalows with amazing views. All bungalows are basically set into a hill of native thai jungle, and are connected by steps running between each back to the restaurant, spa and "wellness centre".

I favoured the basic bungalow which set me back 550 bhat per night. It was here that I discovered the "invigorating" lack of hot water, which to this day I am still getting used to as I have since learned hot water is a hot commodity in "real" Thailand. Also new was my body's reaction to the mozzies I met in aforementioned outdoor facilities, which manifest in large red welts which take a week to go away. Thankfully there are mosquito nets and the proliferation of mosquitos is comparible to New Zealand and is easily managed by thin applications of Deet.

My 5 days and 5 nights here were spent in natural luxury. The food here is absolutely incredible, they have an enormous menu consisting of I don't know how many pages including traditional Thai fare, Indian, Japanese, Italian to name a few. Pictured is Eggs B. Sanctuary style. Everything I ate there was very very good. It is seafood and vegetarian only but there is plenty to keep anyone happy for a long time. This is however where I discovered the catch - this all amounts to be rather expensive for a Thai vacation. In NZ dollars it's not too bad, but as far as Thailand is concerned it stings a little, and after 5 nights of food, accomodation and the odd massage I found myself resorting to my emergency US dollars to cover the bill on checkout.

I could go on about this place but I won't bore you, needless to say that this was definately worth the outlay. On one of the days I was fairly sick, with no energy and couldn't eat. By the end of the day I was starting to pick up so had a spirulina smoothie and headed up to the spa for a massage, and ended up having a "detoxifying body scrub" instead and came away feeling fresh and revived. The lady used a mixture of almond shells and ginger which she rubbed all over me (uuuughhhh) and then wrapped me up in plastic where my skin heated up and felt like it was burning! The head and foot massage took my mind off the burn which was nice. Then she unwrapped me and covered me in yoghurt!

After a hot shower (which I took alone, but was still a great relief as it was my first hot shower in 4 days), she rubbed me in peppermint body lotion which reversed the action of the burning ginger and I came away bouncing. Oh whoops I did go on, I just had to share. And so anyway, the following day I left.

I leave you with a photo from Phuket Zoo which I know you will enjoy. Yes that is a real tiger, yes he is pissed off, but the greasy cheese grin was unintentional (I was scared ok).

Adios!

Beyond the kok

Alrighty, I'm going to keep on with a chronological log of what I've been up to, even though this post will be atleast a week out of date at the time of writing. Reason being, I thoughtfully left the digital camera I bought specifically for my travels back in New Zealand, and I am stuck using disposables until said camera arrives in England (thanks mum!). And I can't very well talk about where I am now without photographic evidence.

So I said goodbye to Bangkok without too much of a hitch. There was the middle-aged lady at the TAT (travel office) who seemed to have a thing for me though. She told me I had very beautiful eyes and proceeded to ask me the size of my manhood. I declined ofcourse as any gentleman would, however a subtle gesture was made towards the ruler on her desk and giggles and gasps echoed around the office. But that wasn't so much a hitch, as a harmless flirtation with an older woman..

I decided to flag the train journey to Phuket in favour of a domestic flight on Bangkok Airways. Stepping onto the pristine airplane was like setting foot on a luxury spacecruiser. I found my seat and was surprised to see clouds of cool moisture-laden air billowing from ducts in the walls, and then up, around and over the stowage containers pouring like a waterfall into the isles from above. Everything was timed perfectly, from the screens lowering for the inflight entertainment to the inflight meal, which was surprisingly edible if not tasty.

There was a bit of confusion when it came to my transfer from Phuket however, as the language barrier really started to come into force. I initially read all the signs and couldn't see my name, so sat down and considered grabbing a standard taxi. Took a second look at the signs, and saw someone called "C. Balon" going to "Paradise Karon". Despite the fact I am "C. Barlow" heading to "Baan Karonburi" I figured I might as well give it a shot. The driver gestured for me to come with him, so I lugged my backback on my back and followed. He was quickly out of sight range as I tried my best to keep up, and was halfway across the airport carpark before I saw him driving back towards the terminal to pick me up. Anyway by the time I got back to the car I was knackered but he was nice enough and took me to my hotel, which was next door to the one on his sign.

So I've learnt that it is important to stay alert in Thailand. This much I have gathered from riding a scooter (they call them all motorbikes here) around Phuket. My second ever time on a powered 2-wheeler, which I was nervous enough about before I learned I had to hand over my passport to obtain one. Riding from Karon beach to Patong was fine, but once I hit the traffic in Patong it was a bit scary. Got caught at an intersection with people tooting at me, and hit the gas too hard and fell off right outside a shop. Thankfully the bike and myself came off only with a couple of grazes each. When I took the bike back the next day they were really good about it, and got the damage appraised at a very reasonable 1700 baht (~NZ$50). They even gave me my passport back!

The next day was spent at the Phuket Zoo which was definately an experience. This was a zoo unlike any I've seen because they train the animals and put on shows with them. Now I have mixed feelings about this because I am sure there is a fair degree of exploitation going on here, but I enjoyed the shows all the same and I hate myself for it. C'est la vie.

The crocodile show was first, which involved the trainers dragging the crocs around by their tails and hitting them with sticks. The highlight was the over the top commentary, "Wow! I'm speaking intelligible english gathered from american TV shows in a really cheesy accent! And making sound effects with only my mouth!", and when the trainer put his head inside the crocs mouth.

Can I just say at this point that it is very difficult to write properly at the moment, since my thai friend is with me and he's lazy and doesn't want to leave me alone. He's sitting here falling asleep while trying to read my english book and proding me from time to time. I tried offering him 100 baht right now to take a walk but he won't budge. So I appologise if this is coming across as boring or rushed, I just can't get into mah flow!

Anyway, next at the zoo was the elephant show, which was probably the best of the three. The elephants came out and performed a number of tasks. It was funny when the music came on and they all danced, swinging their trunks around and grooving and stepping and jiving. And when they kicked balls into the soccer net. And when they stepped over the audience voluntares and pretended the hump them. But again I guess it's pretty sad that we're making these poor animals act like humans for our own amusement. I guess the same could be said for the orangutan riding a bicycle and shooting hoops, but I still couldn't help letting out a chuckle.

The rest of my time in Phuket was fairly uneventful, however I did see many new things during my stay here. There are strips of tiny bars crammed with thai women baiting eager falung with tiny skirts and devilishly innocent smiles. There are traffic lights that actually have big numbers beside the lights that count down when the light is ready to go green. There are markets with everything from Hello Kitty to dead puppies. And by god are there some weird smells.

Altogether though I've really enjoyed Phuket and of everywhere I've been so far since, I think I could live here most comfortably. Next time I will talk about the islands a bit and who knows what else. Not sure what I'm going to do once I leave here today, I seem to eaten into my budget fairly heavily on things like tailored suits and travel. Might read a book or something. Kick back and take it easy, you know what they say - when in Rome and all that.

Until next time.

C.