Thanks for the memories

London ho. I have reached the motherland in one piece. So far it has been pretty relaxed spending much of my time wandering around the local area (Ealing), doing a bit of shopping and surfing the net from Dave's couch (thanks Dave!). Am setting the wheels in motion for the next few months, which should include a brief sojourn to somewhere cheap inside Europe before I commence work.

And so, back to Thailand briefly. After Ko Pang Nga, the rest of my time in Thailand was spent in Phuket. I hired an apartment for a month with a lady friend, where we spent our days in an extremely relaxed fashion. My money was running out at this point so relaxed was definately the order of the day. I got through all my books, and ate like a king some of Thailands finest and most luxurious markets and street vendors.

Despite the mandatory requirement for 300 baths per day, we did manage to get out of the house and do some touristy things. Incidentally our room wasn't as scary as they look in this corridor, the rooms were clean and we even had sunlight in ours! Anyhow first off was the butterfly house. Sure enough there were lots of pretty butterflies, and I even caught a couple during foreplay!

I swear, it's just not fair to keep a big ol' spider next door to rows of pre- packed butterfly dinners. Unfortunately you can't judge the scale and it's out of focus, but that chap was rather large. They also had a rather impressive beetle collection.

We visited a temple and took some photos. I could have sworn the monks looked pissed off despite the assurances that it was ok. I'm not feeling particularly wordy today so I hope you enjoy all the photos anyhow.

I booked a trip on the last week to Phi Phi island. We did some snorkelling and swam with schools of brightly coloured fishies - saw some pretty interesting coral too. At one point I found some divers who had stopped somewhere, so I positioned myself just above where there was a massive swarm of bubbles. It felt really weird as if I was being tickled all over by a hundred tiny fingers!

The landscape here was really beautiful as you can see.

This is one bay around from where The Beach was filmed (Maya Bay). I didn't have my camera ready at the right moment so you'll just have to suffer! Waaaah!That be a cave inside there!

I'm going to miss Thailand, it is a really captivating place. Most of all I will miss the pace there. For me anyway, I will associate Thailand with a complete lack of stress which is something new to me over the last 5 or so years. I think it's clearly different for those who have to make a living there, but even those who know they aren't going to recieve any money from you are very friendly, and take the time to shoot the breeze. If you can get passed the language barrier, otherwise a lot a smiling usually goes on.

I take with me the collected email addresses from fellow travellers, and offers of places to stay throughout Europe so things are off to a good start. I hope to be back next year for the Songkran festival which is basically a week long waterfight across the whole country. Next time I will go up North where I will ride on some elephants and do some trekking.

Feeling a little homesick at the moment. Missing you all heaps and my thoughts are with you.

Be good!

The Sanctuary (mostly the journey there, actually)

Greetings my peeps.

As promised, I will tell you today about what I found down south, at the islands of Ko Samui and Ko Pang Nang. It is a tale that starts very slowly, speeds up a little, slows down again before gaining momentum and coming to standstill with a few short sharp bursts in between. Just to keep things interesting.

The slow part was the coach ride from Phuket town to Surat Thani. What I thought was going to be (I don't know why in retrospect) a 2 hour journey ended up taking nigh on 7 hours(!). That is a long time to sit in an uncomfortable bus with a Polish traveller who's favourite way of passing the time is to complain about everything.

We finally got to wharf just out of Surat Thani, and have a quick meal (by now my palette is starting to adjust to the thai spices, but my guts have yet to catch on), before catching the ferry across to Ko Samui. It is overcast as are most days, but still bloody hot so I take my shirt off much to the amusement of the locals onboard due to the uncommon visage of a blinding white falung chest. A couple of them were so taken they requested a photo (or 3), to which I humbly agreed (I'm not so secretly an exhibitionist). By the time I got to my hotel it was about 8pm, and having left Phuket at 9am found the bed and slumber in no time.

Strangely since coming to Thailand, almost every other night I've been plagued with nightmares. Not sure what this is about - last night I dreamt I was inside a 60 minutes documentary on Afghanistan, driving down the road in the back of a jeep where everything is on fire. Kids are throwing stones at the opposing militia, but are also throwing apples containing horrible buzzing giant flies inside. One of these apples hits me in the back, and I feel the fly buzzing and burrowing into me as it lays it's eggs. I woke up pretty shaken, muttering and looking for the nearest thing to cuddle which was unfortunately a pillow. Thankfully my subconcious did not strike twice and the rest of my night was uneventful, but still I wonder what's going in my head. I figure it's my latent fears coming up which I have had to suppress in getting on in a strange place. Not to worry!

Okay so have we got to Ko Samui yet? Yes I believe we have. Ahh right now I remember. To summarise, Ko Samui is very touristy and I didn't really enjoy Chewing beach or the traffic - but once you get out of the main centres there are some greats sights to be seen.

The Polish tourists I met on the bus were staying at the same beach as me (Chewing), and on my second day in Samui I spotted them cruising down the main strip on their way to lunch. They agreed, foolishly (nah) to accompany me on a motorbike tour around Ko Samui, as I had found some cool spots the previous day. But my motorbike was hungry as well.

Roadside gas stations in Thailand are modest establishments, consisting of a man, and some glass bottles filled with red or colourless liquid which in most cases contains gasoline, but in some cases contains whisky. Those Thais sure love their whisky, and boy does that shit taste foul. You will find the odd station which has a large clear container of gas, which uses a handcrank to dispense the petroley goodness in a display that is more akin to watching a milkshake in a blender than to what I'm accustomed to when filling up your tank.

But I digress. Being at the head of a stately 3-way scooter convoy I saw fit to pull in and snap our next destination from afar much to the delight of the Poles. Hin Tai Hin Yai was it's name which translates to "Grandfather Grandmother", and my friends it is a sight to be seen. It was so impressive infact that postcards were purchased and sent, however I'm not sure whether they reached their destination in New Zealand. No matter, view now the grandeur of Hin Tai Hin Yai in all it's anatomically correct spendor...


Unfortunately for Hin Tai, my woefully inadequate disposable camera (not that I'm blaming my tools, but I do appologise for the quality of my photos), was not able to capture it's cinematic beauty due to the lack of a zoom lens. A more pitiful illustration of the so-called inadequacy of the asian male species I have yet to come across.

Next on the agenda was the Khow Yai waterfall. On the walk there I passed a stall where the keeper motioned towards me, to which my reflex was to wave back a "no thank you", until she said "tickets!", and so turned my heals in an embarrased pirroet. The waterfall itself was quite pretty, if not a bit of a trickle.

You can take a walk up the steps to the side of the waterfall for a fantastic view of the island. It was at this view point that I learned the meaning of Khow Yai in Polish - it translates roughly as "Shit Balls". I know now that I will have fond memories of my visit to Shit Balls waterfall on Ko Samui (note here the brilliant reflection from the unparalleled milky whiteness of my man-breasts).

The remainder of my stay in Ko Samui went by fairly lazily. I took a ferry and arrived by taxi to Hat Tien beach on Ko Pang Nang on the 1st of August in time for my booking at a resort called The Sanctuary.
Hat Rin is the "legendary" location of the full moon parties on Ko Pang Nang. I wasn't fortunate enough to attend one however I was secretly relieved by this. The Sanctuary is not at Hat Rin, but Hat Tien beach which is 2 beaches along. The roads stop at Hat Rin so you must travel by long boat, which is an experience in itself.

The long boats are relatively large vessles capable of carrying about a dozen people comfortably, and are powered by 4-6 cylinder car engines attached to long, extremely dangerous propellors. Once the captain (heh) pushes the boat out, it is a short journey to Hat Tien in one of these puppies. At night they charge 50% more but go just as fast, which is interesting (read: extremely scary) considering that they have no lights.

Touchdown. My feet are greeted by tiny pebbles which massage me as I walk past a couple of extremely relaxed looking sunbathers to the reception desk beside the restaurant. The restaurant is neatly inset behind the shelter of a large tree providing the impression of a safehaven from the rigours of the outside world and from the annoyance of other tourists. Maybe this is a place I can pretend not to be a tourist and to simply relax. This proves to be the case, with a catch.

Accomodation varies from shared dormatories, to basic bungalows with no airconditioning and private outdoor shower facilities, to a wide selection of themed, high priced bungalows with amazing views. All bungalows are basically set into a hill of native thai jungle, and are connected by steps running between each back to the restaurant, spa and "wellness centre".

I favoured the basic bungalow which set me back 550 bhat per night. It was here that I discovered the "invigorating" lack of hot water, which to this day I am still getting used to as I have since learned hot water is a hot commodity in "real" Thailand. Also new was my body's reaction to the mozzies I met in aforementioned outdoor facilities, which manifest in large red welts which take a week to go away. Thankfully there are mosquito nets and the proliferation of mosquitos is comparible to New Zealand and is easily managed by thin applications of Deet.

My 5 days and 5 nights here were spent in natural luxury. The food here is absolutely incredible, they have an enormous menu consisting of I don't know how many pages including traditional Thai fare, Indian, Japanese, Italian to name a few. Pictured is Eggs B. Sanctuary style. Everything I ate there was very very good. It is seafood and vegetarian only but there is plenty to keep anyone happy for a long time. This is however where I discovered the catch - this all amounts to be rather expensive for a Thai vacation. In NZ dollars it's not too bad, but as far as Thailand is concerned it stings a little, and after 5 nights of food, accomodation and the odd massage I found myself resorting to my emergency US dollars to cover the bill on checkout.

I could go on about this place but I won't bore you, needless to say that this was definately worth the outlay. On one of the days I was fairly sick, with no energy and couldn't eat. By the end of the day I was starting to pick up so had a spirulina smoothie and headed up to the spa for a massage, and ended up having a "detoxifying body scrub" instead and came away feeling fresh and revived. The lady used a mixture of almond shells and ginger which she rubbed all over me (uuuughhhh) and then wrapped me up in plastic where my skin heated up and felt like it was burning! The head and foot massage took my mind off the burn which was nice. Then she unwrapped me and covered me in yoghurt!

After a hot shower (which I took alone, but was still a great relief as it was my first hot shower in 4 days), she rubbed me in peppermint body lotion which reversed the action of the burning ginger and I came away bouncing. Oh whoops I did go on, I just had to share. And so anyway, the following day I left.

I leave you with a photo from Phuket Zoo which I know you will enjoy. Yes that is a real tiger, yes he is pissed off, but the greasy cheese grin was unintentional (I was scared ok).

Adios!

Beyond the kok

Alrighty, I'm going to keep on with a chronological log of what I've been up to, even though this post will be atleast a week out of date at the time of writing. Reason being, I thoughtfully left the digital camera I bought specifically for my travels back in New Zealand, and I am stuck using disposables until said camera arrives in England (thanks mum!). And I can't very well talk about where I am now without photographic evidence.

So I said goodbye to Bangkok without too much of a hitch. There was the middle-aged lady at the TAT (travel office) who seemed to have a thing for me though. She told me I had very beautiful eyes and proceeded to ask me the size of my manhood. I declined ofcourse as any gentleman would, however a subtle gesture was made towards the ruler on her desk and giggles and gasps echoed around the office. But that wasn't so much a hitch, as a harmless flirtation with an older woman..

I decided to flag the train journey to Phuket in favour of a domestic flight on Bangkok Airways. Stepping onto the pristine airplane was like setting foot on a luxury spacecruiser. I found my seat and was surprised to see clouds of cool moisture-laden air billowing from ducts in the walls, and then up, around and over the stowage containers pouring like a waterfall into the isles from above. Everything was timed perfectly, from the screens lowering for the inflight entertainment to the inflight meal, which was surprisingly edible if not tasty.

There was a bit of confusion when it came to my transfer from Phuket however, as the language barrier really started to come into force. I initially read all the signs and couldn't see my name, so sat down and considered grabbing a standard taxi. Took a second look at the signs, and saw someone called "C. Balon" going to "Paradise Karon". Despite the fact I am "C. Barlow" heading to "Baan Karonburi" I figured I might as well give it a shot. The driver gestured for me to come with him, so I lugged my backback on my back and followed. He was quickly out of sight range as I tried my best to keep up, and was halfway across the airport carpark before I saw him driving back towards the terminal to pick me up. Anyway by the time I got back to the car I was knackered but he was nice enough and took me to my hotel, which was next door to the one on his sign.

So I've learnt that it is important to stay alert in Thailand. This much I have gathered from riding a scooter (they call them all motorbikes here) around Phuket. My second ever time on a powered 2-wheeler, which I was nervous enough about before I learned I had to hand over my passport to obtain one. Riding from Karon beach to Patong was fine, but once I hit the traffic in Patong it was a bit scary. Got caught at an intersection with people tooting at me, and hit the gas too hard and fell off right outside a shop. Thankfully the bike and myself came off only with a couple of grazes each. When I took the bike back the next day they were really good about it, and got the damage appraised at a very reasonable 1700 baht (~NZ$50). They even gave me my passport back!

The next day was spent at the Phuket Zoo which was definately an experience. This was a zoo unlike any I've seen because they train the animals and put on shows with them. Now I have mixed feelings about this because I am sure there is a fair degree of exploitation going on here, but I enjoyed the shows all the same and I hate myself for it. C'est la vie.

The crocodile show was first, which involved the trainers dragging the crocs around by their tails and hitting them with sticks. The highlight was the over the top commentary, "Wow! I'm speaking intelligible english gathered from american TV shows in a really cheesy accent! And making sound effects with only my mouth!", and when the trainer put his head inside the crocs mouth.

Can I just say at this point that it is very difficult to write properly at the moment, since my thai friend is with me and he's lazy and doesn't want to leave me alone. He's sitting here falling asleep while trying to read my english book and proding me from time to time. I tried offering him 100 baht right now to take a walk but he won't budge. So I appologise if this is coming across as boring or rushed, I just can't get into mah flow!

Anyway, next at the zoo was the elephant show, which was probably the best of the three. The elephants came out and performed a number of tasks. It was funny when the music came on and they all danced, swinging their trunks around and grooving and stepping and jiving. And when they kicked balls into the soccer net. And when they stepped over the audience voluntares and pretended the hump them. But again I guess it's pretty sad that we're making these poor animals act like humans for our own amusement. I guess the same could be said for the orangutan riding a bicycle and shooting hoops, but I still couldn't help letting out a chuckle.

The rest of my time in Phuket was fairly uneventful, however I did see many new things during my stay here. There are strips of tiny bars crammed with thai women baiting eager falung with tiny skirts and devilishly innocent smiles. There are traffic lights that actually have big numbers beside the lights that count down when the light is ready to go green. There are markets with everything from Hello Kitty to dead puppies. And by god are there some weird smells.

Altogether though I've really enjoyed Phuket and of everywhere I've been so far since, I think I could live here most comfortably. Next time I will talk about the islands a bit and who knows what else. Not sure what I'm going to do once I leave here today, I seem to eaten into my budget fairly heavily on things like tailored suits and travel. Might read a book or something. Kick back and take it easy, you know what they say - when in Rome and all that.

Until next time.

C.

I learned to slow down in Bangkok

Welly welly well then. After a tearful if not a little surreal farewell, an epic 12 hour flight from Auckland brings me to an entirely new country. Thailand is amazing. I am about a week and a half into my travels here, and every day I fall in love with the place a little bit more.

I flew in over Bangkok at about 10pm and the view from the plane was breathtaking. Bright orange lights below are snaking in organic patterns and pulsating to a strange rhythm. The lights seemed to go on and on forever - Bangkok is a huge place. Definately a "not in Kansas anymore" moment. It might sound strange but it was quite a profound feeling that I was now in Asia..

Had a transfer from the airport to my hotel room at the Indra Regent which was pleasant enough 4 star with tyical Western amenities. A bit of an awkward moment with the bellboy who stood in my room waiting for a tip, which unfortunately I could not supply as all I had was 1000 bhat notes (roughly NZ$43.00, which goes a looong way in Thailand, trust me). There was a moment where I was afraid he might come into my room in the middle of the night to tape me to the bed and steal all my belongings.

Thankfully my paranoia was unwarranted. The next day I took a taxi to Ko San Rd and had a good chat with the driver - he was a warm, good humoured man, like many of the other thai people I have met so far. The drive however was definately an eye-opener - the driver he say "you ready?", then proceeds to cut across two lanes of traffic and onto the motorway offramp. I said "Wow! You're a real professional!". He laughed as he queued 3 cars deep - strangely not a car horn to be heard.

So this is the "legendary" Ko San Rd. Centered in the Bangphanglu district of Bangkok it is the most popular hang-out for backpackers (or so I am told). Stalls and shops for days, bro. People wanting falung (foreigner) money all over the place - "Come my shop!", "No thank you", "Why not you say you come my shop yesterday!". Common starters are "Heelllloooo where you from", or "Where you going?" from the tuk tuk drivers. Some of them are very pushy but this is not actually typical of Thailand, only in some parts of Bangkok.

Ko San comes alive at night and there are so many falung that the traffic is mostly blocked off except for some tuktuks. The thai have a way of adapting technology to a achieve specific tasks in a very haphazard but supremely effective fashion. Amidst the cries of "Ping pong!?", you find heavily modified scooters everywhere which have been converted into mobile food stalls. In my extremely limited experience, this is where the best food in Bangkok is to be found. Skewers of meat and noodles, and fresh chopped ice-cold fruit are the standard fare.

750 bhat will get you a standard double room with airconditioning at the D&D Inn, which I would recommend to anybody. On the top floor is a bar, pool table, pool, a beauty salon if you are so inclined, and thai massage to die for.

The sightseeing around Bangkok I have to say is pretty darn cool. Best way is by tuk tuk, but you must agree to a destination and a price before the journey. They will try to take you all over the place, which is often fine but just be sure of where you are going and go for the tuk tuks with white number plates (not yellow). These ones are government affiliated and work to regulated pricing constraints.

I am running out of time so I will now entertain you with some pictures of some of the places during my 3 day sojourn in Bangkok.

Golden Mount.

View from Golden Mount.

Wat Pho.

At Wat Pho.

I really liked Wat Pho.

So ladies and gentleman that is it for now. I have way more photos I will get online at some point. Since Bangkok I have flown to Phuket where I stayed, riden by coach to Surat Thani, caught a ferry to Ko Samui where I again spent some time, then went onto Ko Pang Nang. I am currently staying at a place that I have to say, is quite literally paradise on earth in a little cove named Hat Thien. Many more stories to tell but you will need to stay tuned. Please give me your comments and suggestions.

Until then, it's only fitting I bid you farewell in pigeon-thai. Lah gawn, pob kun mai krow nha!